My David Cameron Story

The year was 1997. I was an agent of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party. I was present at the vote counting Stafford, as were several of the great and good. I was very drunk, as were several of the great and good.
One of those “great and good” was the future PM David Cameron.

He’d been parachuted into a presumably “Safe Seat” following the re-drawing on the Constituency Boundaries to give Bill Cash his own seat in Stone.

Recollections are hazy of that night, so many years ago, but I do remember that David had no idea of the concept of a 24 Hour Garage.

He also bought us cigs, when one of us agreed to run out and get them, but he did severly depelete our beer supplies.

So, as summarized on Popbitch Issue 911.

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Another week, another case filed to the Popbitch Collection Agency against another famous scrounger.

During the vote count at the Stafford Riverside Centre in the '97 election, the unsuccessful Conservative candidate and his new wife spent a large portion of the evening hanging around with representatives from the Monster Raving Loony Party - continually cadging their fags and cans of bitter.

The Loonies were generous enough, but their hospitality only stretched so far. When they asked him if he wouldn't mind chipping in, the candidate (displaying a shocking lack of local constituency knowledge) said he didn't know how to buy any cigarettes that late at night. So he palmed one of them a tenner and sent them off to track him some down.

While that covered the fags, he didn't cough up for any of his beer. So if David Cameron would like to hand over some cash for his cans, it might go some way to scrubbing at least one black mark from his name.

As an addendum to this, I would like to apolgise to David Kidney, as for years I mis-remembered it as being him that had the smokes, despite his anti-smoking stance.

I also apolise on behalf of the population of Stafford. We are deeply sorry for not electing David Cameron that night. If we had have done, it is extremely unlikely that he would have become the Prime Minister, and lead the country into it’s biggest crisis.

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