Grim Up North

It can be hard at times to define where The North is. Luckily, back in ancient times, two noted geographic scholars,  William Ernest Drummond and James Francis Cauty, published a justified tract, listing places that were in the north,

Here I shall explore that work in full.

Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty? You mean The KLF, don’t you?

Actually, The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu to be pedantic, but, basically, yes.

If you can’t trust  Scotsman and and man from The Wirral to define where The North of England is, who can you trust?

So, let us examine their data:

Bolton, Barnsley, Nelson, Colne,
Burnley, Bradford, Buxton, Crewe,
Warrington, Widnes, Wigan, Leeds,
Northwich, Nantwich, Knutsford, Hull,

Sale, Salford, Southport, Leigh,
Derby, Kearsley, Keighley, Maghull,
Harrogate, Huddersfield, Oldham Lancs,
Grimsby, Glossop, Hebden Bridge,

(Brighouse, Bootle, Featherstone, Speke,
Runcorn, Rotherham, Rochdale, Barrow,
Morecambe, Macclesfield, Lytham St. Annes,
Clitheroe, Cleethorpes, The M62),

Pendlebury, Prestwich, Preston, York
Skipton, Scunthorpe, Scarborough-on-Sea
Chester, Chorley, Cheadle Hulme,
Ormskirk, Accrington Stanley, And Leigh,

Ossett, Otley, Ikley Moor,
Sheffield, Manchester, Castleford, Skem
Doncaster, Dewsbury, Hali-fax.
Bingley, Bramhall, …. are all in The North.

Hang on! I didn’t hear those town in green listed!

Ah, you need the extended 12″ version:

It’s all well and good listing these places, but I want a map to look at, to make sure I’m not being conned!

One like this?

Hang on, Derby isn’t in The North!

Well, actually that bothered me too. Then I realised that there is more than one Derby. The Earldom of Derby has sod all to do with the Derby in Derbyshire these days, but is linked to Knowsley Hall on Merseyside,

Short of an official proclamation from either Cauty or Drummond, I will assume that they meant the Derby near Liverpool, ignore the southern anomaly, and draft a northern border based on their data.

Taking account of me being lazy, here is my extrapolation of the KLF/JAMs Northern Delimiter:

While many do say still that it is grim up north, they often forget about the Accursed Midlands being even worse.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.