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How To Order A Taxi

Preparation

Before making the call, you need to prepare yourself for the questions you are going to be asked. It is vitally important that you know the following pieces of information:

  • Where are you? – Either the address or name of where you are.
  • Where are you going? – If you don’t know, we can’t take you there.
  • How many people? – This is really important, as you can’t fit 17 people into a Ford focus.
  • What is your name? – If you have to ask someone, it is probably time to go home.
Making the call

Once you have all the information required, there is one last thing to check before you make the call. Can you be heard?

It is all well and good knowing that 7 people want to go from the Brown Trumpet to the Pink Oboe in the name of Lucas, but if you can’t convey this information over the phone then you are screwed.

Good places to call from are:

Pub toilets or porches, beer gardens, anywhere that you can hold a conversation without shouting.

Bad places are:

At the bar on a busy night, 27cm from the main speaker stack at Knebworth when Motorhead are on, Cannock, a train, within earshot of your pissed mate murdering some piss-awful song on karaoke, next to a 747 spooling up for take off, a building site.

 Attitude

Don’t be surly. Really, we’re just trying to do a job. We’re trying to get as many people moved, and thus take as much money as possible. Getting arsey with us really won’t help.

 

To Every Electronics Company In China

Dear Every Electronics Company In China,

I understand that you have trouble finding people to translate instruction manuals for your products into readable English.

I am willing to undertake this task. Whilst I do not speak nor read Chinese, I am willing to lake your partially translated manuals, which make little sense, and translate them in to correct English.

I work very cheaply, requiring only £12 per hour for my work. I realise that this is about 24 times what you normally pay, but if you want your manuals to be readable, it is a small price to pay.

Also, I will require one example of every product for which you require a manual.

Hope to hear from you soon,

 

Tony Blews

xxx

 

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