Enumerating The Doctor (Updated)

Since the recent goings on with which Doctor is which, and all the complications, I’ve put together a table to try to explain it. It might be wrong, but it is more for me than for anyone else.

And I think, as I’ve stumbled through this, I’ve finally got a handle on The Valeyard (more later).

Incarnation
Regeneration
Looks like
Doctor #
Known as
Played by
Notes
1 n/a 1 The First Doctor William Hartnell
also Richard Hurndall and later David Bradley
n/a n/a n/a Doctor Who Peter Cushing A human who created a time travel device called TARDIS. Non-canon, so I don’t even know why he’s listed here.
2 1 2 The Second Doctor Patrick Troughton
3 2 3 The Third Doctor Jon Pertwee
4 3 4 The Fourth Doctor Tom Baker
(A wax dummy)
5 4 5 The Fifth Doctor Peter Davison
6 5 6 The Sixth Doctor Colin Baker,Sylvester McCoy
7 6 7 The Seventh Doctor Sylveter McCoy
8 7 8 The Eighth Doctor Paul McGann
Now it goes a bit runny
Firstly we have the “Shalka” timeline…
9 8 9 (alt) “The Shalka Doctor” Richard E. Grant (Animated version)
Then the “Final Death” timeline
9 8 9 (alt) “The Nineth Doctor” Rowan Atkinson
10 9 10 (alt) “The Tenth Doctor” Richard E. Grant “The Conceited Doctor”
11 10 11 (alt) “The Eleventh Doctor” Jim Broadbent “The Shy Doctor”
12 11 12 (alt) “The Twelfth Doctor” Hugh Grant “The Quite Handsome Doctor”
13 12 13 (alt) “The Thirteenth Doctor” Joanna Lumley “The Female Doctor”
Meanwhile, back on the “real” timeline…
Incarnation
Regeneration
Looks like
Doctor #
Known as
Played by
Notes
9 8 n/a The War Doctor John Hurt (Not actually The Doctor)
10 9 9 The Ninth Doctor Christopher Eccleston
11 10 10 The Tenth Doctor David Tennant
11 11 10 The Tenth Doctor David Tennant Vanity Regeneration
n/a n/a n/a Handy/John Smith David Tennant Human Meta-Crisis Doctor
12 12 11 The Eleventh Doctor Matt Smith
Start of a new Regeneration cycle
13 13 12 The Twelveth Doctor Peter Capaldi
14 14 13 The Thirteenth Doctor Jodie Whittaker
Unknown “Doctors”
n/a n/a n/a The Watcher Adrian Gibbs
n/a n/a n/a The Curator Tom Baker
n/a n/a n/a The Valeyard Michael Jaystone an amalgamation of the Doctor’s darker sides from between his twelfth and final incarnations

Now, after all that number counting and trying to work out which numbers apply to which Doctors, if you go by my reckoning then the Eleventh Doctor (Matt Smith) was still only the 12th incarnation, even though he was also the 12 regeneration. To quote The Master from “The Trial of a Time Lord: The Ultimate Foe“:

“There is some evil in all of us, Doctor – even you. The Valeyard is an amalgamation of the darker sides of your nature, somewhere between your twelfth and final incarnation, and I may say you do not improve with age.”

As the “final incarnation” is far off in The Doctor’s personal timeline, the Valeyard problem has been untangled for now, but could surface in the future as a plot point.

Hello, again, world!

After the accidental deleting of the original site, and the the short time with the 2002 look site, the blog format is back… with a 2010 template design. I’m nothing if not cutting edge.

I won’t bring back anything I don’t think is important or interesting. So it’ll be projects I’m working on (still), ranting about TV, picking holes in films, and othersuch twaddle.

 

So you think you’re having a heart attack?

As it is five years today since I had my pathetic little heart attack (if there can be such a thing), I thought I’d put finger to keyboard about my thoughts on a certain bullshit thing thats going around t’internet like a sawn-off broom handle in a convent (since 1999 – but such shit never dies due to Facetube/Buzzspace/Mybook/Youfeed whatever).

I’m not going to link to it, but its called “Cough CPR”, and the idea seems to be thus: Rhythmically coughing while having a heart attack will save your life. This is obviously horseshit. (I will, however link to the Snopes page about it: http://www.snopes.com/medical/homecure/coughcpr.asp).

Should you think you are having a heart attack, and you’re alone, you really have two options. I shall present them here, so you can choose which one you think is the right one.

Option 1:Sit down and have a cup of tea.

Look on the internet about heart attacks.

Go and have a dump*.

Try and have a lie down, hoping the pain will go away.

Have a smoke. Things are always better after a smoke.

Look on the internet again.

Have another cup of tea and a smoke.

Realise that you can’t stand up properly.

Ring NHS Direct and get kept talking while they sneakily send an ambulance to get you.

 

 

Option 2:

Ring the fucking emergency services right away!!!

And don’t forget to grab your ‘phone and charger, otherwise you’ll be bored shitless.

*Oddly, heart attacks bring on the feeling that you’re about to suffer from diarrhea. This is probably why a lot of people die on the khazi, and certainly why all toilets in hospitals have an emergency alarm nearby.

A lot of moaning old shite